I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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