This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
