Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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