Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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