The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
