last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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