my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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