Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
