I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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