once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
