Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
