She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
