last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
