I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
