either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize