Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
