Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
