So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
