don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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