I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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