i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize