How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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