the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
