Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
