I seem to have left my pride at pride
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i now understand why vodka
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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