i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
