I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
