i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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