So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
