I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
