I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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