i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
