Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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