At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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