You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
