therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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