My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
