Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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