In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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