What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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