He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
