Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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