i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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