Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
