Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
