thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
