can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
