so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
