Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
