so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
