Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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