so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
