happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
