I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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