Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
