You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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