Four minutes until I can fart!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
