I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
