I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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