I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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