so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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