I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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