my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
