Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
