i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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