I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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