This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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