I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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