I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
